The frequency of grief and all the emotions in between
We have all, in some way or another, have been exposed to grief. Be it our own or of a love one, or the collective grief in the world (there has been so much of that lately).
I have known sadness before, profound sadness, but I can't ever remember a time that I have experienced the grief that comes with child loss. I don't think I can even say that I have experienced, but perhaps the term would more appropriately be, I was the holder of someone else's grief.
As my Doula role progressed through the years, so did my skills and interests, it was never unknown to me that I wanted to work in the trauma field, I wanted to somehow, educate, support and hopefully then allow women to empower themselves to return to their sovereignty. And yes, I admit in the beginning I wanted to save as many as I could from obstetric violence, only to immediately after learning that is exactly the opposite of empowering. Us, woman don't need to be saved.
As the years passed and I started adding coaching sessions for overcoming perinatal trauma, so as well, did the rebozo closing ceremonies started taking a big chunk of my heart. I stepped alongside this path with my dear Doula colleague Michelle, and we tread surely and lightly in this field, giving, as much as we took from the woman that had chosen us to perform the ritual. It was like journeying alongside these women, being entrusted with their most vulnerable selves, and on the other hand being so honored to be able to be entrusted such moments.
If you never heard of this before, I will try to briefly explain, the rebozo closing ritual, is a ancient ceremony, with roots in Mexico as well as other countries, it was performed by woman, to a woman in her post-partum period, giving space for a woman to process her birth, and to provide warmth and also realign her body after childbirth as the rebozos are closed tight around her.
the rebozo closing ritual, is a ancient ceremony, with roots in Mexico as well as other countries, it was performed by woman, to a woman in her post-partum period, giving space for a woman to process her birth, and to provide warmth and also realign her body after childbirth as the rebozos are closed tight around her.
What this ceremony also provides, is a safe space for a woman to truly surrender and accept, to be held and nurtured by other women. When you allow yourself to soften and let go, you are giving space for everything that has been stored in the subconscious mind, to take its place center stage. To truly experience the full range of emotions that us human beings have, and that society tells us that we need to suppress.
As the years and the ceremonies progressed, we got better and better to cultivate that sense of safety, I have learned to cultivate and facilitate a safe space for woman to experience them, with true empathy, treading slowly and safely, taking the lead of the woman, and going as far as she wanted to go.
This ritual is so healing and profound that it is applicable for any time and period of a woman's life. I have facilitate it to woman, that had experience a beautiful and empowering birth, but also to those that had a more difficult one and needed a safe space to start to process it. I have facilitate it to woman that wanted to close their breastfeeding cycle. And I have facilitate it to woman that experience loss.
In all these scenarios, what was a honor to witness was how they unfolded the layers that they needed to unpeel, to feel the range of emotions that was truly palpable. I saw women unravel, recognize their immense power, celebrate their victories, but I also saw them letting go of what no longer served them, I felt them reaching down the most dark corners where the fear lay, and letting go.
I will never forget the first time I go to hold space for a woman to safely experience the frequency of grief, in a raw and primal way that I had never witnessed before. Grief doesn't arrive subtly, once you truly allow it to release, it is a force that takes center stage and takes all the space. It is one of our most primitive emotions, you can't refine it, or alter it, it just is what it is, and it doesn't have to be anything else because it is all encompassing. It really takes over you if you allow yourself to succumb to it.
The journey that this ceremony allows us to go in, can be healing, humbling, revealing, and ultimately highly rewarding if you open yourself to it.
Would you allow yourself to fully be?